Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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