margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
