Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
