My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
