im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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