just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
