"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
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