in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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