If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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