I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
