How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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