sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
