i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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