there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Don't judge me šš¼ his dick just whispers my name
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Getting a smaller wine glass hasnāt changed the amount I drinkāit just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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