i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
