I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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