Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
