So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
