don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
