apparently the secret to your success is patron
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
