Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
