Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
