It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
