Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
