if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'm really busy with my period
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