One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
