You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
