haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
