PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
