I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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