Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
