are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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