wanna go halves on a baby?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize