And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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