So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
