I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
