I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
