I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
