yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You are the jesus of drinking
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
