dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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