I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
