I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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