I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
