Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse

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(410): View more from Maryland

I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"

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(765): View more from Indiana

you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(908): View more from New Jersey

My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole

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(661): View more from California

I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.

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(530): View more from California

I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"

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(303): View more from Colorado

how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????

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(330): View more from Ohio

Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.

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