Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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