Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg no way im finding him!

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.

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  (215): drug dealer added me on facebook, win ? (1-215): omg no way im finding him! (215): he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke. http://tfl.nu/whoh
  Replies (114) Good night (1835) Bad night (9072)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"

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  (812): just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer" http://tfl.nu/i06z
  Replies (29) Good night (1079) Bad night (9518)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.

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  (812): When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night. http://tfl.nu/n33w
  Replies (21) Good night (11827) Bad night (680)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet

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  (508): I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet http://tfl.nu/ryzv
  Replies (19) Good night (4654) Bad night (503)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps

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  (703): i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps http://tfl.nu/14e5
  Replies (24) Good night (1391) Bad night (8244)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.

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  (317): He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again. http://tfl.nu/2li2
  Replies (25) Good night (855) Bad night (5136)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  told you he was gay.

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  (401): he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head... (1-401): told you he was gay. http://tfl.nu/35fi
  Replies (18) Good night (1038) Bad night (6605)
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  (408): View more from California

  I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.

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  (408): I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/0k63
  Replies (17) Good night (2949) Bad night (1240)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.

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  (910): I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect. http://tfl.nu/cd2m
  Replies (4) Good night (3033) Bad night (722)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.

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  (303): I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen. http://tfl.nu/li1t
  Replies (4) Good night (1934) Bad night (498)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.

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  (843): AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME. http://tfl.nu/mm0e
  Replies (11) Good night (489) Bad night (1116)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now

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  (712): I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now http://tfl.nu/qxxb
  Replies (6) Good night (478) Bad night (682)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!

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  (705): There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!! http://tfl.nu/7xwk
  Replies (2) Good night (869) Bad night (507)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"

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  (519): The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING" http://tfl.nu/92g2
  Replies (1) Good night (542) Bad night (187)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  Give me weed or give me death?

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  (703): I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane. (1-703): Give me weed or give me death? http://tfl.nu/f8a2
  Replies (3) Good night (789) Bad night (173)

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