He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
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Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses