Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control

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  (502): I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control http://tfl.nu/izk5
  Replies (46) Good night (865) Bad night (8445)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...

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  (517): I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night... http://tfl.nu/z2d7
  Replies (15) Good night (5512) Bad night (964)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.

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  (717): just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high. http://tfl.nu/38z6
  Replies (24) Good night (4406) Bad night (1073)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista

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  (312): I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista http://tfl.nu/d26q
  Replies (27) Good night (4479) Bad night (1357)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.

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  (860): Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them. http://tfl.nu/f4br
  Replies (22) Good night (5729) Bad night (1072)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?

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  (630): there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have? http://tfl.nu/04yo
  Replies (22) Good night (3251) Bad night (1307)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.

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  (815): I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk. http://tfl.nu/8nn3
  Replies (14) Good night (3473) Bad night (951)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...

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  (724): My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out... http://tfl.nu/jne9
  Replies (5) Good night (2757) Bad night (989)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.

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  (248): I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set. http://tfl.nu/xzj6
  Replies (6) Good night (1827) Bad night (608)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.

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  (307): MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting. http://tfl.nu/3tf3
  Replies (4) Good night (392) Bad night (1005)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'

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  (702): Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me' http://tfl.nu/i2h1
  Replies (4) Good night (1130) Bad night (386)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.

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  (218): He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins. http://tfl.nu/4w92
  Replies (5) Good night (463) Bad night (887)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras

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  (251): well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras http://tfl.nu/4zxu
  Replies (1) Good night (298) Bad night (327)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore

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  (386): I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore http://tfl.nu/saed
  Replies (1) Good night (501) Bad night (224)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE

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  (203): I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE http://tfl.nu/wb1j
  Replies (3) Good night (532) Bad night (303)

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