I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
