her vagina looked like bernie madoff
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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