Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
