Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
