so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
