I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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