Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
