Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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