i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize