he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
