Buhtt sex?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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