You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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