if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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