are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
