Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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