Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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