Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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